publishing

Yes, it’s a reference to book by the writer of my favourite book of all time “The Grapes of Wrath” but it’s also a nod to that all important missive about counting chickens before they’re hatched.

It was the best of plans; it was simplicity personified – virtually no moving parts or interdependent actions.

And still it failed.

Of mice and men take a bow…

I wanted to publish my book, I want to publish my book, and I need to publish my book – a demon needs to be exorcised.

Pride must come before the fall, but if I don’t try then I’ll never know – and the not knowing is eating me up inside.

My work may fall flat on its face, it may come across as stilted, contrived cliché driven trope heavy nonsense – or indeed it may not.

The pudding only has one proof and that’s in its eating.

I think it has merit – I truly do.

I’m not that naïve as to think garlands will be thrown at my feet and accolades gifted from on high – but I do honestly think that once read my tale of Amy and her woes will be enjoyed.

She has a journey to take the reader on, some ups, some deep downs, some redemption, and some disappointing failure that will challenge. Some of it will deliver a wry smile, some of it genuine tears of sadness, but each page will be willingly turned to find out what happened next…

That is my dream, that is my goal.

I had a plan.

It was a simple plan.

All it needed was the due backpay to arrive, the money would then pay for an editor, the editor would help me polish my work and then the absolute best version of Amy Grace: Thomas Payne would be released onto the world.

The editor – his time was booked.

It was all going so well.

And then pride tripped, we fell.

The money isn’t there.

What every year had been a (literal) bankable constant this year is still in stasis.

It will arrive, but no one knows when.

The frustration mounts.

By October I’d hoped to be in the final draft/discussing the artwork phase, and I’m not.

A Christmas stocking filler my work will not be.

It’s annoying.

I’m angry.

I’m barking at the moon – but I’m also helpless.

I cannot influence things; I can only stand in the sidelines as some sort of impassive spectator.

Patience will be my virtue, but frustration at this delay will cut deeply.

The project IS delayed, but NOT cancelled.

I have belief, and I hope you share this faith.

She is worth the wait – she truly is.

Amy IS coming.

Stay strong and hug those you love!

I started this entire process with no real aim in mind other than finding out what happened next after my carefully crafted first line ended.

Back in those simpler times my only struggle was to write the next sentence – but then, and I don’t know at what point, but thirty or so pages into my tall tale I developed a need to have my scribbles read.

This need is part self-serving validation, and partially some sort of philanthropic desire to share this awesome story I’ve been writing.

Friends, total strangers, and all points in between have learnt not to maintain eye contact, to discuss contentious current affairs, matters of faith, anything other than “so you’re a writer, what’ve you written.”

They’ve learnt it, and I think I’ve learnt it too.

If badgered, if asked more than once they I’ll offer up my scribble, but long gone are those days of self-publicity and puppy dog eyes…

I don’t want to brow beat folk into reading my work, but I do want them to read it [conundrum].

I’ve tried the traditional route to publish my work – score currently reading zero from a lot of submissions.

It could be my submission style, my choice of agents, my timing, or indeed the mediocre quality of my work… could be any of these, could be many, could indeed be all.

So, undeterred I’ve decided to back myself and publish my own work.

Some say its long overdue, some that it’s a fool’s errand, an expensive one at that!

Most first-time authors sell around 250-300 books (many considerably less), so any return on investment is going to be limited.

I may buck the trend, but if I’m going to plan, then the current trend must be my handrail.

From a commercial point of view my book has many obstacles to overcome.

Howsoever you cut the number, strike a deal with a sympathetic editor, the initial outlay from the family funds is not insubstantial.

Two big costs I can’t seem to avoid.

An editor will cost me £1500 – £2000, a book cover £400.

My vanity is £2000 in debt before the first book is sold.

I could of course avoid both costs and publish ‘as is’ – after all a) do I really need a professional editor and b) who looks at the cover of a book?

Okay, I know the answer to both (hence this little missive), but it is still a lot of money just to service my vanity.

So that’s my current struggle, my first world problem.

Stay safe, hug those you love and remain sane!

Telling Tall Tales

Of Mice and Men…

Counting Backwards.