Swimming Pool

You climb to the top, drag your body up the millions of vertigo inducing steps, to stand looking down at the tiny chlorine filled puddle of water – now what? 

You want to jump, you really do. 

Yet, fear of so many things keep you firmly away from the edge. 

You swing your arms back and forth, rocking from left foot to right, trying to create momentum to take you forward to the concrete edge, past it, and into the abyss of the known unknown.  

But, despite all the deep breathing, arm swinging, foot swapping, you are as far from the edge as you’ve ever been. 

Friends, confidants, little sayings on calendars, they all tell you to do it, that you’ll be okay – that you should jump.

Ignoring your passion is slow suicide!

Burying your talents in a field for fear of failure – you can recall a parable about that, you are sure you can…

Swinging arms, hopping feet, deep breathing…

You ask for signs, look for totems of assurances from the gods, from karma, the cosmos; then you seek second opinions, validation of the first sign, and the second – maybe you should just make sure, to be sure, after all what if you are wrong, what if you fail?!?! 

Swinging arms, hopping feet, deep breathing…

You know it’s not the critic that counts, that it is all about the doer of the deeds, you love that Roosevelt ‘Man in the Arena’ quote, yet…

If you never jump…  well you know how that plays out. 

Swinging arms, hopping feet, deep breathing…

You are currently living the foot hopping life – you’ve always been living the left right foot hop. 

So, why do you want to jump, what is it you are looking for, what are you trying to achieve?

It can’t be fame or fortune, they are transient whims so easily lost, if you are to gamble what is it you are trying to win? 

And, despite your lifelong love of words you cannot dig from your lexicon words to articulate the hunger, the need, the primal desire to jump. 

Yet fear is easy to describe; swinging arms, hopping feet, deep breathing…

And then…

You fall forward, legs almost buckling under your weight, the concrete disappears, and the air rushes past your body as you plummet downwards.

But, you are not falling, you are flying.  Flying down towards your fear, towards your dream.

Chlorine smells strong, the water warm, the splash painful, the joy exhilarating, the euphoria of jumping intoxicating.

You are climbing before the water has fallen from your body, jumping again and again, the thrill never diminishing, never changing from one jump to the next.

You don’t need validation, witnesses, scores held on cards above heads – your glory is personal, maybe shared with friends, but held next to a pumping heart, not a cold and timid soul who knows neither victory or defeat!










Writing for work, applying for jobs, flying the kite of your CV is a difficult and nervous time.  A path familiar to almost all, the pains and the pitfalls well known, and better documented by innumerable others. 

Yet, here I am writing about the continual struggle to hook a bite.  Applying for any job involves time and effort on behalf of the applicant, hope and dreams of possible success attached to each and every application…

And, we get so few replies, so few acknowledgments of rejection, silence is the preferred option by so many:  if you don’t hear from us…

I understand, I even sympathise to a point. 

But, without deluded optimists sending scripts, the industry would die. 

Disillusion, disenchantment and complete apathy can quickly take root, and you wonder how many truly great novels have died under the frustration of silence?   

A one line, “thanks, but no thanks…” shouldn’t be too hard to send, should it? 

I think I get about one reply in four, and that’s poor by any standard. 

That so many don’t’ send acknowledgements, or indeed rejections, and in any industry, any walk of life, is poor, rude even.  

So, anyway, here I am, reading biographies, looking at websites, debating if we are a suitable match, my book – your agency, and preparing to send off the next tranche of earnest applications… 

Wish me luck!