It sounds like it should be the title to a noir thriller, but it’s not. 

In this case we are referring to the developmental edit for my book “Amy Grace: Payne”, twenty-two pages of notes, observations, suggestions and support.

Like all writers my book has been through the Beta Reader stage more times than you can shake a stick, and to be fair to all involved the feedback has been honest – supportive, at times critical, but always helpful.

The opening chapter has been completely rewritten. 

It was a near universal comment that it just didn’t hit the right note.  Not the subject matter, but the scenario that preceded it. 

Big boy pants, rewrite – success.

Of all the parts of the book, chapter one ‘Arrival’ was the one that has been fussed over the most. 

To be fair, the balance of 130,000 words stands or indeed falls on the first 1800.

Time and place, main character, inciting incident – hook to keep them reading – that’s a lot of pressure for 10-pages to deliver.  But they do.  Indeed, they do. 

My concession to the reader has been the insertion of 430 words to explain historic context and Celtic folklore – hopefully this will aid and not deter the reader.

Scenes have been deleted in their entirety – where I’d used cruelty to indeed illustrate cruelty, I’ve now pulled back, toned it down – such passages now only to be available in the inevitable ‘collectors edition’ (LOL).

I’ve chopped a few linking scenes, trimmed back any hint of repetition and now hopefully the new version reads smoother for the reader.

I struggle with dialogue, not because I dislike it, but because (IMHO) there is a danger that it slows down the narrative and becomes unnecessary art house indulgent distraction. 

So, in places summaries of the discussion are mentioned and not verbatim copies written. 

Maybe it works, hopefully it works…

I have two main characters – Protagonist Amy Grace & Antagonist Thomas Payne. 

At certain points they are both going in the same direction (the book is a chase movie) and I switch between them as the plot proceeds.

A critique given is that switching POV could confuse the reader – and on that one I am still deliberating.

If one is happy, the other sad, switching POV in the same chapter I hope illustrates the difference. 

One is partying, the other drowning in despair… 

As stated, I’m still looking as to how I can ride both horses – compare and contrast AND keep the POV singular. 

It is taking me longer than I anticipated, but the notes as provided were what was needed. 

And if I may I’d like to give a heartfelt shout out to (and recommendation for) Black Thoughts Editorial Services. 

It’s been a long journey thus far, but it’s one I’d take again in a heartbeat.

Hug those you love, tell them, stay safe, and do your very best to remain sane!