Month: October 2025

Of Mice and Men…

/ Neil Bowers / Leave a comment

Yes, it’s a reference to book by the writer of my favourite book of all time “The Grapes of Wrath” but it’s also a nod to that all important missive about counting chickens before they’re hatched.

It was the best of plans; it was simplicity personified – virtually no moving parts or interdependent actions.

And still it failed.

Of mice and men take a bow…

I wanted to publish my book, I want to publish my book, and I need to publish my book – a demon needs to be exorcised.

Pride must come before the fall, but if I don’t try then I’ll never know – and the not knowing is eating me up inside.

My work may fall flat on its face, it may come across as stilted, contrived cliché driven trope heavy nonsense – or indeed it may not.

The pudding only has one proof and that’s in its eating.

I think it has merit – I truly do.

I’m not that naïve as to think garlands will be thrown at my feet and accolades gifted from on high – but I do honestly think that once read my tale of Amy and her woes will be enjoyed.

She has a journey to take the reader on, some ups, some deep downs, some redemption, and some disappointing failure that will challenge.  Some of it will deliver a wry smile, some of it genuine tears of sadness, but each page will be willingly turned to find out what happened next…

That is my dream, that is my goal.

I had a plan.

It was a simple plan.

All it needed was the due backpay to arrive, the money would then pay for an editor, the editor would help me polish my work and then the absolute best version of Amy Grace: Thomas Payne would be released onto the world.

The editor – his time was booked.

It was all going so well.

And then pride tripped, we fell.

The money isn’t there.

What every year had been a (literal) bankable constant this year is still in stasis.

It will arrive, but no one knows when.

The frustration mounts.

By October I’d hoped to be in the final draft/discussing the artwork phase, and I’m not.

A Christmas stocking filler my work will not be.

It’s annoying.

I’m angry.

I’m barking at the moon – but I’m also helpless.

I cannot influence things; I can only stand in the sidelines as some sort of impassive spectator.

Patience will be my virtue, but frustration at this delay will cut deeply.

The project IS delayed, but NOT cancelled.

I have belief, and I hope you share this faith.

She is worth the wait – she truly is.

Amy IS coming.

Stay strong and hug those you love!

Paused, nothing more.

/ Neil Bowers / Leave a comment

You can hear the tears as they fall, they fall, and they scream their accusations as they do so.

Abandonment is cruel.

They did no wrong, and still you walked away.

Nobody made you do it, you did it because it was the easy option, it was easier than perseverance, so you took the easy way out.

Characters abandoned, their stories, their trials and tribulations cast asunder for the option of zero effort. 

Innocence for them, guilt, immeasurable and indisputable guilt at your feet.

You knew all this would come to pass, and still you did it, you gave in.

It’s easier to walk away than to fall, but it is an easy option, a thieving option that forever takes away your chance to ever stand.

Perseverance and self-belief abandoned.

The monkey of doubt given fall reign, your pride a sulking drunk in the shadows complaining of what he could have been, what almost was…

Some throw coppers, most look away.

It is painful for them to see what they too could so easily be.

Fear of contagion averts many an eye.

How did we come to wallow in this mire?

What cut was too deep?

One thousand cuts, a million stings from bees, no single event terminal, but a culmination of all beyond debilitating.

And that was it.

Too many, too often and you drowned.

But it never happened, they’re just words, just musings, just thoughts typed out on a screen about what may have been…

A subliminal waning – maybe.

It was never going to be easy, the path broken and steep, the trips slips and falls multiple.

They’re not alive, but they are.

If you cut them, they bleed.

They are just not known and that’s not the same.

You can fix the latter, you must fix the latter, this is your quest.

Routes are changed, direction altered, destination forever true.

Preferences are luxuries nothing more.

The key is to be read, and that hasn’t changed.

To be judged on my works I must first offer up such – and this we will do.

Call it a detour, call it what you will, but never belittle it.

The strategy has adapted; it has evolved.

The passion still burns bright; the desire is still there.

It’s only a delay, a deferral nothing more.

Amy is coming.

You will get the chance to read her adventures and to share her journey – you will.

Pausing for breath, but definitely not stopping!

Stay safe – remain sane and as ever remind those you love that indeed you do.